your thong is hanging out like whoa
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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