Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
