Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
