Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
