Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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