he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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