My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
