i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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