U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
