You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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