I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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