when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
