im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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