A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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