Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she looked like the before picture.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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