i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
