Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
