i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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