apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize