You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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