there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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