I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
