you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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