dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
