I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
