Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were trust falling into bushes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
