The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
