I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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