I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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