need another drink. this is the easiest way
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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