I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
