4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
