Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
