I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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