it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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