She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
