he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
