were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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