I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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