Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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