Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
