How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
