Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize