you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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