i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
