wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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