The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
