i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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