i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
