I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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