plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
