i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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