Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
