I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
