Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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