Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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