she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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