remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
