counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
