i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
