You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she peed on how many people?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
