hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
