Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
