Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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