If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
