Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
