So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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