i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
